A few years ago, Joanne and I were strolling down Ledbury Road in Notting Hill after a leisurely lunch, and we happened upon OTTOLENGHI restaurant.
While walking in Notting Hill
we came upon Ottolenghi
Now, I had heard of the chef YOTAM OTTOLENGHI, but mainly from his famous cookbooks on Jewish cuisine. Since we had just finished lunch and weren’t hungry, all we could do was simply gaze at the explosively colorful array of creations, arranged on a buffet line unlike anything I’d ever seen.
Dazzling array of color
Those memories came flooding back when I read that he was just at Temple Israel in Minneapolis a few weeks ago. And they got me thinking about Ottolenghi and his reputation as the new standard bearer for Jewish & Israeli cusine
Israeli Chef, Yotam Ottolenghi
Born in Jerusalem, the young Yotam spent childhood summers in Italy where he caught the culinary bug. As a young man he went off to train at Le Cordon Bleu in London, where he specialized in pastry. Afterward he worked as a pastry chef at one of our London favorites…LAUNCESTON PLACE in Kensington.
Born in Jerusalem
And spent summers in Italy
His creations – which extend far beyond sweets – are known for honoring the ingredients and cooking methods from “the Promised Land,” including regions and countries around Israel as well as the greater Mediterranean. In addition to being works of art – a riot of color and contrasts, soft and crunchy, high and low – the offerings lean toward vegetarian: Charred Broccoli with slivered garlic, chiles and cashews…Sweet Potatoes with figs, balsamic reduction, chiles and spring onions…Butternut Squash with strawberry cream, currants, olives, spring onions and ricotta…Coconut Prawn Stew and ricotta.
Food from the promised land - Charred Broccoli
Sweet Potatoes with Figs
Buttered Squash with Strawberry Cream
Coconut/Prawn Stew and Ricotta
We had his Polenta Cake with Citron and Toasted Pistachios at Launceston Place on my birthday.
Polenta Cake with Citron and Toasted Pistachios
So I hadn’t thought much about Jewish – let alone Israeli – food for a couple of years (covid and all). But on a recent visit to Miami Beach, we visited a fabulous new Israeli restaurant called ABBALE (which translates to “Daddy”). It’s located in the “South of 5th” neighborhood in a little house with a fine patio.
And recently in Miami Beach
From Tel Aviv... Abbale
With a fine patio
Even though they have a liquor license, we started off with a bright and refreshing Frozen Lemonade.
Started with Frozen Lemonade
Appetizers include a smoky Roasted Eggplant Babaganoush with Smoked Sea Salt, and an Israeli Crunchy Kale Salad loaded up with chunks of avocado and ricotta salata cheese.
And sampled Babaganoush
Krispy Kale with Avocado and Ricotta Salsa
A sampling of jaw-dropping small plates included a whole head of Yogurt-Roasted Baby Cauliflower with picked red onions, chiles, sultana raisins and sour cherries – well worth the $16 price, an open-face sandwich with avocado, egg, arugula and feta, a lamb kofta (in the form of baby meatballs), and a pita sandwich with hummus, black sesame tahini and pickled red cabbage.
Head of Baby Cauliflower with Yogurt, Chiles and Sour Cherries
Tartine of Avocado, Arugula, Egg and Feta
Little Lamb Meatballs with Hummus in a Pita
Shakshuka (eggs in spicy tomato red-pepper sauce)…A Chicken Sashlik kebab with spicy sumac, tahini and pickled cabbage…and an order of polenta, feta and sweetcorn pancakes with a poached egg rounded out our lunch.
Shakshuka
Chicken Kebab, Spicy Sumac, Tahini and Pickled Red Cabbage
Polenta and Sweetcorn Pancakes and Poached Egg
Except for…a block of Baklava topped with black-lime honey and a scoop of tahini ice cream. Never had that before.
Wow! Baklava with Black-Lime Honey and Tahini Ice Cream
As a matter of fact, I’d never had Israeli food before.
BUT WAIT!!!
What about the Ashkenazis?
What about the Ashkenazis?
Well, since about the 1500s, the Ashkenazis settled in Central and Eastern Europe (remember Fiddler on the Roof, set in Ukraine?). As a minority group they were generally forbidden from growing certain crops and vegetables, but were allowed to cultivate a limited variety of winter vegetables, including carrots, beets, parsnips, potatoes and rye, a close relative of wheat that grows throughout the winter. It provided their expert bakers with flour for rye bread and bagels.
Residing in Eastern Europe since the mid 1500's
Home of Tevye (Ukraine) in Fiddler On The Roof
Long winters - Winter vegetables
Fields of Rye
For Rye Bread - A winter crop
And for Bagels
The Ashkenazis weren’t exactly poor, but they had to make-do with less. Braised brisket, a tough working-muscle meat (chewy and juicy, just above the front leg of the cow) was affordable and rarely used by the gentile residents of the area. Same with chicken. The meat of the bird was, by and large, saved for the upper classes, while the livers were sold to the Jews. That’s good news on the culinary front, because we could have missed out on the emblematic Corned Beef and Pastrami sandwiches that we learned to love from the iconic New York delis.
Brisket Meatloaf
Chopped Chicken Livers
And Brisket... Braised for hours
Think chopped chicken liver, corned beef hash, and borscht from Ukraine…sweet braided babka, latkes, chicken schnitzel from Austria, stuffed cabbage rolls, and bagels from Poland…And let’s not forget “Bubbe’s” (Grandma’s) Matzo Ball Soup – the Jewish penicillin, able to stop colds in their tracks, nourish pregnant women and possibly cure leprosy. None of these might ever have existed.
Like Beets for Borscht
And Stuffed Cabbage
Potato Latkes with Sour Cream
Corned Beef Hash
Chicken Schnitzel from Austria
Jewish Penicillin - Matzo Ball Soup
Babka for treats
Since the late 1800s a number of the Ashkenazi Jews from Central Europe immigrated to the United States – and most prominently to New York (KATZ’s DELI was founded in 1890).
Is it what's served in the New York Deli's?
So what happened? Why is Ashkenazi food rarely found in Israel?
So what is Jewish food anyways?
First, the Holocaust. Second, in 1948, the declaration of the state of Israel.
And the Ashkenazis Migrate to Israel
Between 1948 and 1951, the largest migration ever to reach the shores of Israel occurred: 688,000 in all, mostly survivors of the Holocaust.
Culinary influences from Jordan, Syria, Egypt and more
They arrived in Israel and were greeted by an entirely different, and much friendlier, climate than they’d known in Central and Eastern Europe. Harsh and long winters were replaced by warm, long summers. The new citizens of the Jewish state embraced the indigenous bounty. Vegetables, for example, became more than a side dish; they were even treated as an alternative to meat. Seafood varieties from the Mediterranean were galore. In the subtropical climate near the Sea of Galilee, mangoes, kiwis and bananas flourished. And “biblical” ingredients, such as figs, pomegranates and honey, populated dinner tables throughout the new state.
Where the Mediterranean climate suited them
And many became farmers
And fresh fruits and vegetables were plentiful
Cattle, the necessary first step for brisket, failed to flourish in the warm climate, as did the winter crop: rye. So new traditions took root, nourished by the agglomeration of regional dishes and cooking methods brought by the immigrants as well as the foods and recipes from their new neighbors, including Egypt, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Morocco, Tunisia. Concentrated in this tiny region – a melting pot of flavors, textures, aromas and sensations – a new cuisine and new traditions were born.
While embracing the foods of their new home, perhaps Jewish cooks also sought to remove and erase the vestiges of the past? Why wouldn’t they?
So where does that leave us? WHAT IS JEWISH FOOD, ANYWAY?
So what is it?
Is it the local Israeli style that I loved at ABBALE in Miami Beach and that YOTAM OTTOLENGHI has made so popular – a cuisine that prioritizes vegetables and combines Mediterranean and Middle Eastern culinary traditions into riotously flavorful dishes?
The Israel Creations
That Yotam Ottolenghi serves
Or is it the Ashkenazi-influenced traditions that I feasted on in New York delis – Katz’s, Carnegie Deli, Barney Greengrass, Russ & Daughters, and Zabar’s. Among their iconic dishes: Pastrami on Rye, Latkes with salmon roe and sour cream, Passover Meatloaf, Corned Beef Hash, Chopped Chicken Liver with matzo crackers, Bagels and Cream Cheese, Matzo Ball Soup, and Chocolate Babka.
Like Pastrami on Rye?
Or Ashkenazi dishes like Latkes?
Corned Beef Hash?
Chopped Chicken Liver
Bagels with Cream Cheese?
Matzo Ball Soup?
And of course Babka
Or that of the New York Deli
I guess I really like them both. Not being Jewish, I don’t follow the Kosher rules – but there is one dictum that seems worth observing: As Milton Berle stated so eloquently…“Every time someone goes into a deli and orders pastrami on WHITE BREAD, somewhere a Jew dies.” I don’t want that on my conscience.
I got thinking the other day about smelly food and remembered the hot, sweaty and humid morning that Joanne and I walked Chatuchak Market in Bangkok.
Among the fruits, vegetables, dogs, chickens and lizards were stalls devoted to DURIAN – a spikey, basketball-size Asian vegetable. At the time, I had no idea what durian was. All I knew is that it announces its presence from afar. The closer we got to the durian stalls, the stinkier it got. I had no idea that people could eat this stuff…but I’m told that once you get past the putrid hull, the flesh inside is sweet and custard-like.
Durian in Bangkok
Putrid
I will NEVER be able to get past the smell. And I am not alone in my opinion that the durian is unique in its putridness. The late great A.A. GILL, restaurant critic for the London Sunday Times, had this to say about it: “Durian horrifies travelers with the stench of sewage, stale vomit, surgical swabs and bat piss. It’s a vegetable that thinks it’s a cadaver.”
The Creamy Flesh Inside
Some folks actually eat Durian
A.A. Gill - "Durian... a vegetable that thinks it's a cadaver"
That led me to consider the stinky foods that I’ve grown to like. Obviously, cheese came to mind. While I could write about a host of foul fromages, I’ve narrowed the list to the ones I’ve actually tried and truly enjoyed.
But first, a primer: Cheese in America must be made with PASTEURIZED MILK. This involves heating the milk to 161 degrees for 15 seconds – sufficient time to relegate our cheese to a FLAT NOTHINGNESS compared to the raw-milk cheeses of Europe.
By and large the cheeses that stink are EUROPEAN ones of the “rinsed rind” variety. And I don’t mean rinsed in Evian or San Pellegrino. We’re talking brine, brandy, wine, beer and other liquids that are thought to inhibit mold but encourage the bacteria that give cheese its distinctive aroma. Unfortunately they’re the same bacteria that cause STINKY FEET.
Washed Rind.... The culprit
The Bacteria
Washing the Rind...
Makes it stink
Smells like...
I remember my first encounter with LIMBURGER CHEESE. I was 6 or 7 and my uncle Don came home from the war in Europe. We all lived in central Illinois (Kewanee) and Uncle Don and Aunt Rose shared a house with our family as well as my grandmother. Whether Don had been in Limburg, Germany during the war, I’ll never know. Another thing I’ll never know is how such a beautiful little hamlet could produce such a vile-smelling product.
When I was 6 or 7
And lived in central Illinois
3 families in 1 house
Uncle Don had just come home from the war
Limburg, Germany... So beautiful... So smelly
But I know this: Limburger was the foulest thing I had ever smelled in my life, even though three families in our house shared one toilet.
Oh yeah... IT STINKS!
Smells like...
We kept it under glass
But then something happened: About once a week, usually Friday, Uncle Don would head downtown after work to buy provisions. Stopping first at the liquor store for beer, then at Steele’s Bakery for a loaf of pumpernickel (what the hell was THAT?), he’d proceed to the A&P for a red onion and a BRICK of Limburger cheese.
Uncle Don brought home pumpernickel bread
And Limburger Cheese from the A&P
Upon arriving home, he’d ask if anyone wanted a sandwich. There were few takers. But one day I stepped up and tried Don’s sandwich of red onion and Limburger cheese on fresh pumpernickel. The combination of these ingredients had a peculiar effect. Yes, the cheese smelled like ass and ripe underarms, but once I got past the odor…well, I actually liked the flavors, which were pleasant with earthy grass and a slight tanginess.
And made a fine Friday night sandwich
Limburger sandwiches (occasionally with yellow French’s Mustard) became almost a Friday night ritual at 205 Central Blvd, Kewanee, Illinois.
I didn’t get a beer.
Joanne and I were fortunate enough to travel during our marriage. And food was always the primary focus.
So it was, on a rainy morning, that we took a day trip from Paris to Camembert, France to check out the cheese. Now, Camembert is rather low on the smell scale – particularly in the United States. FRENCH CAMEMBERT, on the other hand, is decidedly and unsurprisingly more rustic, less refined, earthier and more buttery than the American product. It has hints (but only hints) of barnyard and soiled laundry.
Other cheese that smells
Camembert
In France
French Camembert... Hints of barnyard
And dirty laundry
Notably, French Camembert can ONLY be made with UNpasteurized milk. By law!!
AMI DU CHAMBERTIN is made in the region of Gevrey-Chambertin in Burgundy, France. It’s another stinker that is washed in Marc de Bourgogne brandy, and the smell gets more pungent as the cheese ages. But the interior is creamy, salty, velvety and buttery, as well as slightly sweet. It’s actually quite good. Once you get past the smell. Brillat Savarin, the 18th century gourmand, described it as a “peculiar combination of vomit and seaweed.” Ami du Chambertin is NOT WELCOME in the fridge. Others have described the odor as cat piss (not to be confused with A.A. Gill’s bat piss.)
Ami du Chambertin
From the village in Burgundy
And such a nice setting
For such a stinky cheese
Smells like vomit
Smells like ____ ____.
Also from Burgundy is a cheese called EPOISSES DE BOURGOGNE. It hails from a village near Auxere and has been called the “funkmaster” of cheese. Its overwhelming stench reportedly has caused people to cross the street to avoid the smell. In Paris, the cheese has been BANNED from public transportation. People say it reminds them of an “outdoor fish market without an awning.” But if you survive the foul smell of the rind, you’ll be richly rewarded with a sweet, salty, yeasty flavor. Brillat Savarin dubbed it “the king of all cheeses.”
Epoisses
From a Hamlet in Burgundy
The "Funkmaster"
Epoisses has been banned from the Metro in Paris
Smells like an outdoor fish market
But had he thought to consider the competition on the other side of the Channel?
Let’s head to the picturesque countryside near the Cotswolds in western England. Here lives THE STINKING BISHOP.
From England... And not because the clergy smells
Far be it for me to besmirch the hygiene of clerics, so please note: Stinking Bishop refers to the pears that go into the brandy used to wash this remarkably rank cheese – judged by the Brits to be the STINKIEST in all the realm. I don’t know why I remember this, but In 2005 the cartoon characters Wallace and Gromit did a bit where Gromit revived an unconscious Wallace by placing a wedge of Stinking Bishop under his nose.
But because the cheese is washed with Stinking Bishop Pear Brandy
Yeah... It smells rank
Wallace and Gromit
Wallace was revived by a wedge of Stinking Bishop
Joanne and I have visited the Cotswolds a number of times and there are several very good restaurants in the area. At one of the best, DORMEY HOUSE in Broadway, we treated ourselves to an entrée called the “Best End of Lamb.” The wine flowed freely, and at the conclusion of the meal the waiter suggested that we try the local cheese….Stinking Bishop. I don’t know if it was the wine talking, but I said “Hell YES!” (loudly enough to drown out Joanne’s “Hell, NO!”)
Judged to the stinkiest cheese in all of England
I was served a slice of something that hovered between a rotting corpse and a rugby locker room. I think I gagged – but then downed a slug of wine and DUG IN.
With overtones of a Rugby locker room
If you can excuse the eau du rugby player smell, the cheese was EXQUISITE: creamy, mellow and quite delicate. It paired nicely with the red wine and was served with fresh figs and walnuts.
Now, I have excluded several cheeses, among them the BLUE CHEESES, which are only mildly malodorous, as well as GOAT CHEESE. But goat cheese puzzles me because I love all the varieties I have tasted, and yet many of my friends tell me they’re put off by the taste and smell, which they characterize as “goaty.”
But can get "Goaty"
So I investigated and learned this: Not all that many years ago, goat cheese makers were forced to hold their milk at the farm for several days (way too long) ‘til they had accumulated enough milk to justify a pickup from the milk truck.
Goat Cheese
Can be delightful
Years ago the milk was kept at the farm until the truck could pick it up
I also learned that the fresher the milk, the better the cheese. After a few days, the milk starts to sour a bit, and becomes bitter. Today, with the number of farmers raising goats, that’s no longer the issue. So perhaps that was part of the problem my friends had with goat cheese.
The fresher the milk... The better the cheese
Of course, another thing with goaty cheese could be….
During the breeding season, when a doe goes into heat, she’s penned up with a buck, who secretes a pheromone that stimulates the production of hormones that change the flavor of her milk. So instead of the cheese being mild, slightly tangy and creamy, it becomes GOATY and ANIMALIC, with that strong musky, he-man odor (that Joanne has always found so appealing in her husband). This is not a defect. It is a feature. Some folks prefer their cheese this way.
But in the breeding season... The milk gets "Goaty"
Expedia recently announced that the summer of 2022 will be the BUSIEST TRAVEL SEASON EVER!
And Boris Johnson has lifted most all COVID restrictions in England.
Boris Johnson Lifted Travel Restrictions
But a few months prior those important announcements, Joanne and I decided to “push the envelope” a little and visit London. The pandemic seemed to be waning, after all (little did we know that something called Omicron was on the way).
Following Britain’s, America’s, and Delta Airlines’ rules, regulations and restrictions for getting to London was an exercise in “jumping through flaming hoops” and an absolute PAIN IN THE ASS. In transit, as well as on arrival, we endured hours of mask wearing, temperature checks, and multiple episodes of swabbing and spitting into little test tubes.
Still On Alert
Pain in the ass
In the Theater District
Check to see if you've been vaccinated
It tickles, it hurts, it's a nuisance
We made it, however, and managed to visit some of our favorite haunts, including GUINEA GRILL, BENTLEY’S, ANGLER, RULES and SCOTT’S. All good.
Our favorites were there
Joanne at Angler
Rules for game in the fall
And old reliable
What wasn’t so good was that many restaurants we wanted to try were still closed. And WAY TOO MANY restaurants had restricted hours. Some were open Thursday, Friday and Saturday only. Others served only lunch or weren’t allowing sit-down dining at all, just takeout.
But many were closed or restricted their hours
So we sorta caved…and spent a day at the IMPERIAL WAR MUSEUM. But WHAT A DAY!!!
So, on a rainy day we went
Stepping out of the black iconic London taxi, we were greeted by two cannons, each the size of a locomotive.
To the Imperial War Museum. 15 inch cannons from the HMS Resolution
Inside we explored three floors of exhibits dedicated to the British during World War II – both the European and Southeast Asian theaters. Each floor boasted an arsenal of tanks, airplanes, cannons, bombs and captured loot, including a German V-2 rocket. We also inspected the remains of a pummeled Japanese Zero airplane, as well as a captured giant bronze stylized Nazi eagle with an embedded swastika. It probably adorned a government building during the height of the Third Reich.
Planes & Rockets... Including Spitfire from the Battle of Britain
M-4 Sherman Tank
The wretched German V-2 Rocket
Little Boy Atomic Bomb
Gas Masks
9.2 inch Howitzer Mother - Menacing
Mitsubishi Zero - Pummeled
Avro Lancaster B-1 Bomber
Captured Nazi Building Adornment
Do go. The museum does not disappoint. Plan to spend the day and have lunch. BTW, reservations to the museum are highly recommended.
But here’s the REAL discovery of the day:
CHINESE RESTAURANTS WERE OPEN FOR BUSINESS – including three of our favorites. Don’t know exactly why.
NOTE: Why did so many Chinese people come to London? As near as I can figure, the migration began in the mid-1840s, at the end of the Opium Wars. But it really ramped up right after WW2 and into the 1950s with the relaxation of immigration laws due to labor shortages in England. London has been the beneficiary, with magnificent restaurants like…
KAI
A fine dining Chinese restaurant In Mayfair on Audley Street, near the old American Embassy. Kai boasts one Michelin star. It offers “Liberated Chinese Food” – that is, a compilation of regional Chinese dishes and alternative versions.
In Mayfair
Joanne and I usually sit at table #2, near the front door. (Tony Soprano wouldn’t approve, but we like to watch the people coming and going). No matter; there aren’t any bad tables at Kai, either on the ground floor or in the equally elegant downstairs dining room.
View from table #2
No bad tables
The restaurant’s signature appetizer is Wasabi Prawns, flavored with wasabi mayo, mango and basil seeds (YES, they have a kick). Another appetizer that has us hooked is “Purple Charms” – steamed baby eggplant in lime-chili vinegar.
Wasabi Prawns - Careful
Baby Eggplant in Chili-Lime Vinegar
Speaking of KICK, you must try the Cashew Chicken– because you certainly won’t find anything like it at PF Chang’s. Only the name is mild.
Cashew Chicken - Beware
Joanne and I shared the Steamed Bass with ginger and spring onions. Delicious, as you’d expect.
Steamed Sea Bass for two with Ginger and Spring Onions
Kai also offers the obligatory Peking Duck, but we didn’t have it. The table next to us did, and Joanne almost up-chucked at the sight of its head dangling over the platter and resting on the table.
Head-on Peking Duck - Joanne freaked out
Dessert? YES. The “The Black Pearl of Eternal Fortunes?” YES AGAIN.
Dessert - The Black Pearl of Eternal Fortunes
MIN JIANG
You’ll find this top-rated restaurant in Kensington on the 10th floor of THE ROYAL GARDEN HOTEL. The dining room is handsome, and the view overlooking the Kensington Gardens dazzles.
Another favorite
In Kensington
The view from table #28 - Kensington Gardens
I celebrated my birthday here, at Table #28 next to the window, and feasted on an array of Szechuan and Cantonese creations – among them probably the best ribs ever: Sesame-Jasmine Barbeque Ribs.
On the 10th floor at table 28...
Family and Parasole Colleagues
Sesame-Jasmine BBQ Ribs
They were accompanied by Roasted Pork Belly Squares with mini-steamed buns. We also sampled something called “Pinky Piggu,” a dish of Singaporan origin that showcases a crabmeat dumpling, poached in butter and served in a little fish bowl.
Pork Belly Squares
Pinky-Piggu - Crabmeat Dumplings Poached in Butter
But the star of the show was the Wood-Roasted Peking Duck – probably the best I’ve ever had, and that includes renditions Joanne and I have ordered in New York and even Shanghai. If you have the hankering, MIN JIANG IS THE PLACE FOR PEKING DUCK!
The star of the show - Peking Duck
The best in London - By far
A.WONG
Chef Andrew Wong’s eponymous restaurant in Pimlico is a little place, but it comes with TWO BIG MICHELIN STARS.
Two Michelin Stars in Pimlico
Here Wong commemorates his travels through the Chinese provinces. Standout creations include Chengdu Street Tofu. I’m not much of a tofu fan (really, who is?), but Wong’s version was perfectly crispy and married with soy, chili, peanuts and preserved vegetables. I could be converted.
Chef/Owner Andrew Wong
Chengdu Street Tofu with Chili, Peanuts and Pickled Vegetables
Next came an appetizer out of the Grant Achatz School of Molecular Gastronomy: two Steamed Custard Buns, each encapsulating a warm, runny duck egg yolk. I wonder where in China that came from?
Order this - Steamed Custard Buns
Housing a Warm Duck Egg Yolk
A Prawn and Seaweed Cracker suddenly appeared at our table – a sort of mid-meal amuse bouche. But it was different than the plain, grocery-store iterations. Crispy and laced with shrimp base and black sesame seeds, it was topped with finely chopped cuttlefish, pickled vegetables and tangy seaweed.
A surprise... Prawn Crackers with Chopped Cuttlefish
(Not to self: Add “Prep cuttlefish” to Joanne’s to-do list next time we cook Chinese.)
One of the main courses that we enjoyed was the Soy Chicken Breast, crowned with a dollop of crème fraiche and Osetra caviar. I’m not certain how authentic it was – but then again, who cares?
Soy Chicken Breast - Topped with Crème Fraîche & Caviar
The Cherrywood Peking Duck couldn’t have been tastier…unless you ate it side-by-side with Min Jiang’s Peking Duck. In contrast to that restaurant’s very theatrical presentation, Wong’s version was simply chopped “peasant style.” Perhaps this is the way it’s served in the hinterlands of China….but I’m also uncertain that peasants in China eat much Peking Duck.
Peking Duck - Country Style... Hmmmm!
At the end we were “comped” with a pair of tasty little White Chocolate Mah Jong tiles, each hiding a raspberry filling.
Petit Fours - White Chocolate Mah Jong Tiles
NICE !
SO THEN…..the next evening Joanne and I went to CHINATOWN.
Located in the city of Westminster, bordering Soho and just of Shaftesbury Avenue, years ago, London’s Chinatown occupied the same general area it does today, but was rundown and in decay. Then, in the 1970s the area was reimagined, developed and consolidated into a tight and vibrant community of Chinese shops, services, grocery stores and especially restaurants. You enter Gerrard Street, a car-free pedestrian zone, through the magnificent China Gate that’s only a few years old and was fabricated by Chinese artists, then assembled in London.
Off to Chinatown
Now, I’ve been generally pleased with dining in London’s Chinatown over the years, despite the fact that nearly all the men smoke with gusto. But this time we had a specific place in mind – the slightly up-market BAR SHU, by consensus the #1 Szechuan restaurant in the area. The Szechuan Province in southwest China is known for its spicy food – much, much different than the lukewarm Lo Mein dishes that are so popular on Chinese-American menus.
And to top Szechuan spot... Bar Shu
So it was that I went marching ahead – unmindful, unwitting, unknowing, unsuspecting – into the world of Bar Shu’s Szechuan combustible dining. No delicate or teasing Chinese meals for me!
Instantly I glommed onto an arresting, colorful photo on the menu: “Fragrant Chicken in a Pile of Chilies.” (about $24.95).
Where I ordered Chicken in a pile of peppers
Joanne said, “NO! Don’t do that!”
I replied, “I’m brave when I order.”
CHILIES? CHILIES? Here’s something you should know – and something I wish I had known:
The heat of various peppers is measured on what is called the Scoville Heat Scale. Green bell peppers, for example, register zero. Poblanos come in around 1,000 – 1,500. YIEN TSIN CHILI PEPPERS, imported from China, the kind that Bar Shu piles on the fragrant chicken, top out at 70,000! That’s right, 70K!
The preponderance of offerings at Bar Shu are not simply lip-tingling or mouth-popping, but rather SCALDING and SEARING….DEBILITATING and NUMBING!
And... guess what?
Scalding!
Searing and debilitating
Numbing!
After two bites I CRIED OUT LOUD for a carton of milk…NOW!!!!! But one carton didn’t kill the pain. It took two, and that barely cooled it..
My suggestion: If you go there and you try THE FRAGRANT CHICKEN IN A PILE OF CHILIES, put a couple WET-NAPS in the fridge overnight…because even after only two bites…..IT BURNS TWICE!!!
Last April, Joanne and I decided to treat our grandkids with a trip to London. COVID was appearing to show some signs of winding down, so we booked our trip for early August in order to be safe. As the weeks and months progressed, London didn’t seem to be making much headway in welcoming visitors to the UK. In fact, they put the United States on “amber alert” status, which meant that we would all have to quarantine in our hotel for 10 days upon arrival. As August grew closer and the London restrictions didn’t budge, we concluded that there was just too much brain damage and uncertainty to follow through on our plans.
We were planning on London
But COVID was rampant
What then?
Well, the grandkids wanted to go to Hawaii. And that seemed reasonable. Sure, Hawaii had some COVID “flaming-hoops” that we’d need to jump through in order to visit the islands, but they were manageable (though still a pain in the ass.)
So, off we went the first week in August. Aloha, Waikiki!
So we switched to Hawaii
I’ve always assumed that August in Hawaii would be a sort of shoulder season – not particularly crowded since American, European and Japanese vacationers typically flock to the islands during the dead-of-winter months. To our surprise, however, the Honolulu airport was packed cheek-by-jowl with arriving tourists.
Lots & lots of folks at Honolulu airport
We didn’t think much about it until I sat down with the concierge at our hotel to make our first evening’s dinner reservations. Having taken my mother and her sister to Hawaii several times over the years, we had a hit list of favorite Honolulu restaurants to which I was eager to introduce the grandkids. And because we’d never had any trouble making reservations in the past, I made no effort to secure bookings in advance of the trip.
Imagine my shock when the concierge told me that nothing – and I mean nothing – was available. Left with no choice but to capitulate, I said, “Well, okay, we’ll just dine at the hotel restaurant tonight.”
“Nope,” he said. “It’s completely sold out as well.”
Okay, did any of you see WHITE LOTUS on HBO? In this mini-series about a bunch of entitled guests at a fancy Hawaiian hotel, one of the characters pitches a fit when he doesn’t get the precise suite he booked. I found myself channeling him.
“BUT WE ARE GUESTS HERE!” I informed the concierge.
Still nope. Impossible. Sorry, muggy fudder.
I soon discovered that the problem wasn’t with the hotel. All of Hawaii had been hobbled by COVID and the Hawaiian government’s response to it. In fact, that very day, the governor decreed that all restaurants had to reduce their indoor seating from 75% to 50%.
That was a massive headache for operators, and equally so for tourists. Consider that Europe was by in large off limits to vacationing visitors. Australia and any other South Pacific destinations were simply CLOSED. So guess what? After spending much of 2020 shut in at home, throngs upon throngs of vacationers from England, France, Italy, Germany, Japan, China, Korea, Canada and of course America made the same choice as Joanne and I. We all turned to Hawaii as the antidote to our cabin fever.
And Waikiki was a zoo
Because Italy was basically closed
Empty St. Marks Square in Venice
France also was unwelcoming
And in Asia...
They couldn't go to Australia
Or the South Pacific
So they came to Hawaii instead
Long lines at restaurants
So, what did we do?
First we turned to Open Table. But according to it and all the other online booking resources we tried, not only was every restaurant booked that evening – they didn’t have any openings for the next TWO MONTHS! Really.
That left me with one option: Engaging directly with each restaurant manager – in person – to plead, persuade, and maybe offer one of the grandchildren in trade.
Occasionally, I was successful. Frequently, I was given choices like, “Would you prefer bar seating at 3:45 or a card table by the dumpster at 10:30 PM?”
The hit-the-pavement strategy is sound, however. When you engage someone face-to-face, it is more difficult for them to say no. Consequently, I was able to secure dinner reservations at some of my favorites. And when the manager finally said, “Well, okay…”, I immediately asked for a second night as well.
IT WORKED.
So, you winter travelers to Hawaii: FOREWARNED IS FOREARMED. Hawaii is flooded with tourists from around the world; all of them bound, determined – and largely unable – to visit their favorite vacation restaurants. Which means that if you’re planning to visit any of the islands this winter, call your hotel concierge and make your dinner reservations NOW! RIGHT NOW!
Here are some places where we succeeded in getting a table, and that we thoroughly enjoyed. I think you will like them as well.
JAPENGO…..at the Hyatt Kanapali on Maui.
The setting and the sunset are drop-dead gorgeous and dining is open-air. It’s mainly Japanese but with pan-Asian punctuations. Entrees are enticing, but can also make a meal of small plates if you wish. We ate here twice, and believe me: The food does not disappoint. It’s artfully plated, witty and full-flavored. Please do not pass on the Crispy Pork-Belly Bao Buns with pickled Maui onions, soy/mustard aioli and hoisin sauce…..$11 each. It would also be foolish to pass on the Korean Seafood Pancakes, loaded with crab and shrimp, cleverly seasoned with Gochujang (fermented red chili paste) aioli, and served with a sesame soy sauce for dipping (four modest, albeit delicious, pancakes for $22).
We managed best we could ... This is Japengo
Stunning setting on Maui
Japanese & Pan Asian
Pork Belly Bao Buns ... $11 each
Duck Meatballs
Steamed Clams
Great Sushi
Korean Seafood Pancakes ... $22
WOLFGANG’S STEAKHOUSE, in Waikiki.
Peter Luger alum of 30+ years
Why go to Hawaii for a NY steakhouse experience? WHY NOT, when the restaurant is the creation of PETER LUGER veteran Wolfgang Zwiener? Located on the third floor of the Royal Hawaiian Shopping center right on Kalakaua Ave, Wolfgang’s Steakhouse mimics the Peter Luger formula, and largely succeeds, especially with its magnificent Porterhouse for Two. BTW, I mustn’t forget to thank the Hapsburg Dynasty for the gift of Apple Strudel, which at Wolfgang’s is as good as it gets. What wasn’t so good, alas, was the service. Our server was pleasant and well-intentioned but had only been there for two weeks. She didn’t know the menu or many of the ingredients, and she forgot our Wolfgang’s version of our Peter Luger favorite: their signature crusty German potatoes. Oh well. She was trying her best.
Wolfgang Zwiener
On the third floor in Waikiki
Shrimp Cocktail ... $27 (Yikes)
Crab Cake Appetizer ... $27 (Double-yikes)
Briny & Fresh ... $21
Red Pepper, Shrimp, Tomato, Onions ... $19
Broiled Salmon
The best ... Steak for 2 (or 3) $129.95
Thanks to the Hapsburg Monarchy ... Apple Strudel
German Potatoes ... What our server forgot
MOMOSAN, in Waikiki
Situated just down the street from Wolfgang’s Steakhouse, toward Diamond Head, is Momosan, one of two restaurants opened recently by dining legend Masahru Morimoto. The other, bearing its creator’s name, is geared more toward fine dining, and is located upstairs from Momosan.
And now for something different
From Masahru Morimoto
Note that Momosan does not take reservations, so be prepared to stand in line. But the wait is worth it. Sushi, Nigiri and Sashimi reign, of course. The pan-fried Gyoza dumplings with their contrasting textures, supple and resilient bodies, and crispy edges tell you everything you need to know about yin and yang. If Soft-Shell Crabs are in season, by all means get them in the flash-fried crunchy Crab Bao Bun – $12, as a recall.
Mososan in Waikiki
Soft-Shell Crab Bao Bun ... $12
Goyza (Dumplings) ... $12
But occupying top billing are the several varieties of crazy-good RAMEN dishes. Now, great ramen is dependent on great broth (stream the documentary RAMEN HEADS for a delightful master class on the subject). And the greatest of Momosan’s ramen offerings is the Gyukotsu. Now, the testosterone count is not particularly high here, but Momosan’s Gyukotsu just might cause a metrosexual male to strip to the waist and howl at the moon. This is RAMEN FOR CARNIVORES – a clubable, strapping beef rib with fall-off-the-bone, burly beef nuggets that have been allowed to wallow for seven hours in rich, muscular, beefy broth and then loaded up with eggy noodles, bok choy, toasted sesame seeds, shitake mushrooms, and Korean-seasoned kale, then vividly garnished and flavored with a soft-cooked egg that’s been marinated for hours in soy, sake, mirin and sugar. The preponderance of the ramen dishes on the menu hover around $18. The Gyukotsu will set you back $28, but it’s well worth it. LIVE A LITTLE, BIG GUY!
Ramen with Chicken ... $18
Ooodles of Noodles ... $18
Gyukostsu ... Beefy Ramen ... $28 (Worth it)
SON’Z STEAKHOUSE, near Kanapali on Maui.
In the Hyatt on Maui
In normal times, we probably wouldn’t have done as many steakhouses in Hawaii, but SON’Z STEAKHOUSE is a worthy choice (and besides, how much poke can a fella eat?). Son’z is in the Hyatt hotel, but is an independently owned restaurant. Despite the labor shortage, our service was astute and seamless. The setting is a glorious Hollywood set, where outdoor tables overlook a swan-filled tropical lagoon with a waterfall.
Drop-dead setting
Our view! Not your normal steakhouse
It’s a typical New York steakhouse menu in many ways….and executed flawlessly. We started with the obligatory Shrimp Cocktail and pristine raw sliced Ahi tuna resting in a bracing mustard/sake sauce. Lamb Chops, at $47, were expertly grilled. I had a 12-ounce NY Strip ($57). No, it’s not MANNY’S, but it was good. Just-caught Mahi Mahi, according to Joanne, was the star of the show. However, my grandkids might take issue with her, having chosen the Wagyu Meatballs and the Wagyu Cheeseburger, both around $30.
Of course!
Ahi Appetizer ... Sake/Mustard Sauce
Well prepared Lamb Chops ... $47
Just caught ... Mahi Mahi
Waygu Meatballs ... Granddaughter's choice
12 oz New York Strip
Wagyu Cheeseburger ... $30
So there you have it: Crowded beyond belief. Impossible-to-obtain restaurant reservations (well, almost impossible, even if you’re crafty). Congested roads. And a scarcity of hotel rooms.
So, this winter ... There will be crowds
Please, please plan ahead. These conditions won’t go away this winter.
You may ask, “But did we have a good time?”
The answer: “Did we ever!”
You might think that for us, that it’s all about the food, but the real pleasure for Joanne and me is watching our grandkids suck it all in – the beaches, the tropics, the monumental swimming pool with its own dark, secluded cave (outfitted with a TV for football games), and their discovery of ROOM SERVICE.
And something they’ll never forget: They learned to surf. They even managed to stand up!
Hang 10, John
You too, Georgia
Our biggest culinary disappointment…our favorite Hawaiian restaurant: MAMA’S FISH HOUSE…BOOKED SOLID THROUGH DECEMBER!!! NOT TODAY…SUCKER !!!!
Mama's Fish House ... Booked solid thru December. Rats!
I first came face-to-face with a true New York-style steakhouse a few years before opening MANNY’S in the mid-1980s. It was THE PALM STEAKHOUSE on 837 Second Avenue in New York City (now with numerous other locations). Though it had been around since 1926, I had no idea that such a restaurant existed. From the unartful workaday décor to the saw-dusted wooden floors, walls stained ocher from decades of cigarette smoke, and the impatient brusqueness of the waiters, it exuded a masculine vibe that even its starched white linen tablecloths did nothing to extinguish.
My first New York Steakhouse
On 2nd Ave in New York
What caused me to drop a jaw was the deluge of whopping, perfectly charred NY Strip steaks and catcher’s mitt-sized Porterhouses being hustled to tables of well-suited businessmen. Oh yes, there were a few ladies…or should I say “knockouts?”
There were no paper menus. Waiters (not waitresses) recited the offerings tableside. They’d lead off with steaks, of course, and then – if pressed to admit it– somewhat reluctantly let you know that lamb chops and chicken were on offer, too. Sometimes the waiters wouldn’t even get around to the fish offerings.
BTW, I had never seen a whole Maine lobster in my life. So I practically leapt out of my chair when the waiter wheeled his trolley to an adjacent table and presented a 5-pounder – splayed out on a giant platter – to half a dozen balding tycoons. The guys tossed their neckties over their shoulders and dug into the beast, char-grilled and slathered with heavy cream and clarified butter.
Monster, 5# Maine Lobsters
All dishes were served matter-of-factly and unceremoniously…but then I realized: No ceremony WAS the ceremony!
And YES, it was expensive – at the time, probably $35-40 dollars per person!
(But then again, I was looking at MANNY’S opening menu from over 30 years ago, and our signature 24-oz dry-aged Porterhouse was $24! Oh well…)
THE PALM was an original – confident and sure-footed. They knew who they were and what they stood for. I felt certain they never took a backward glance to see what others were doing.
So I set out on a three-year, self-indulgent steakhouse research venture that concluded with the opening of MANNY’S.
Along the way, I discovered that THE PALM was not alone. It was joined by several other “category killer” steakhouses.
Among those in New York were SPARKS STEAKHOUSE on 46th Street. In addition to its reputation for perfect steaks and a stunning wine list, it had the dubious distinction of being the site of the shooting and killing of Mafia boss Paul Castellano.
Another classic in New York
The very best - All Steak, all the time
A powerhouse male bastion
Then there was the iconic PETER LUGER’S, across the Williamsburg Bridge in Brooklyn. There the service wasn’t just brusque, it was downright confrontational, with surly waiters, reservations only for regulars, and – to this day – a no credit cards policy. The critics lambaste it for being so customer-unfriendly; nevertheless PETER LUGER’S rests secure atop the NY steakhouse scene.
At the top of the heap
Peter Luger's in Brooklyn
You can't find this at the A&P
Another legend is KEENS CHOP HOUSE, the slightly bawdy and politically incorrect boys club in the garment district. It has served top-notch steaks since 1856, but is probably best known for its signature two-fisted English Mutton Chop, wolfed down by none other than Babe Ruth, Theodore Roosevelt, Liza Minnelli and Buffalo Bill. Oh yeah, and me.
Legendary in Midtown New York
It's for the boy's
Two-fisted English Mutton Chop
Yeah, it's a boy's club
I would argue, however, that the CLASSIC NEW YORK STEAKHOUSE thrives not only in New York City (and Minneapolis). First-class steakhouses have proliferated across the country – and indeed across the pond. In fact, one of the best in the world can be found in London’s Mayfair neighborhood. I’ve written about it before: THE GUINEA GRILL, famous for its dry-aged Scottish beef, meticulously sourced, carefully prepared, and proudly served by a staff of lifers.
Closer to home, in Miami’s South Beach, PRIME 112 reigns supreme. As you might expect of a restaurant smack dab in the center of “glam,” Prime 112 touches all the bases of a classic New York steakhouse and adds to them with more than a touch of celebrity. Look, there’s J LO and A-ROD (no longer dining together, sadly). And that’s KIM KARDASHIAN (although I can only see her backside).
In Miami Beach
J-Lo & A-Rod... Celebrity Steakhouse
kim Kardashian... I'd know that *** anywhere
Serving the very best classic cuts
And the boy's love it
Here’s what I know about the classic New York steakhouse:
It’s a proper sit-down restaurant.
It’s defined by crispy white linen tablecloths (they cost a helluva lot to launder, but they’re part of the steakhouse DNA)
Patrons feast on hulking cuts of the very, very best dry-aged beef.
Seafood lovers are catered to with luxurious, multi-tiered shellfish towers.
Maine lobsters, approximately the size of bathmats, will be available fresh from the tank.
Side dishes, socked with salt, butter and cream, are generous, indulgent and addictive.
Preparations are simple, but perfectly executed every time.
Cocktails are strong, and made from the best booze by highly skilled bartenders, served by professional servers (some with a cheeky attitude…okay, maybe several with a cheeky attitude).
While the New York-style steakhouse is eternal, the category itself is rich with innovation. In fact, during the past few years, there have emerged an array of alternative iterations looking to reshape and supplant “your father’s steakhouse.”
But wait! There's an emerging new wave a'comin
What are the traits of these whippersnappers? Best I can tell, they’re defined by:
Chic décor
Smaller portions (not quite dainty, but with an emphasis on 4, 6 and 8-ounce cuts, often available as flights.
An embrace of non-traditional cuts, like skirt steak short ribs
Meats beyond beef, including venison, bison, duck, pheasant, rabbit, and even – God help us – turkey burgers
Small plates that encourage discovery, with offerings like seafood crudo.
Loud, trendy music, a bustling bar scene, and a sexy vibe (as if balding tycoons aren’t sexy enough)
I’m partial to the classics, but I have to admit: There are some VERY GOOD alternative steakhouses. Check out G.T. PRIME and MAPLE & ASH, both in Chicago.
Then there’s the trendsetter in this category: STK, a quite successful chain with locations New York, Vegas, Miami Beach, Chicago and more. One critic described it as “a steakhouse for the stiletto set.” Joanne and I were seated in a nice booth at the Miami location, around 7:00 PM. The place must come alive at a much later hour, as we and another couple of a certain age were the only ones in the place. However, that did not stop the DJ. Throughout our dinner, a KitchenAid refrigerator-sized speaker was “thumping” (thumpa, thumpa, thumpa) directly over our booth at the decibel level of a 747 taking off at Miami International. Our steaks were fine…I guess.
Like STK
A steakhouse for the stiletto set
Not your father's steakhouse
Truffles & more truffles
But add this to your dinner
Oh yeah, it's that loud
But, people seem to like it
More recently, we dined at PAPI STEAK, located in Miami’s South Beach. Even though it was early evening, our experience at this fancy new hotspot began outside with a velvet rope and a doorman. Sporting a tight black T-shirt and an uptight attitude, he stopped us cold as we were entering. “May I help you?” he asked with a glower. “Yeah,” I answered. “We’re going to dinner.”
Papi Steak in Miami Beach
The dreaded velvet rope
The restaurant, at that early hour, was only about 20% full. But that didn’t stop the bored hostess from behaving like we were interrupting her day.
The place is small, with only 93 seats. Guests, many in stilettos, dine in plush, deep red velvet booths. The vibe is sultry, sexy and dark. It feels private and quite exclusive. Most notable, however, is the volume level, dialed up well past 11. Do not come here for a quiet meal.
Lush, plush, sexy, dark & loud... Do not come here for a quiet dinner
But maybe you prefer your music loud –and like to dress even louder. Then welcome to Papi Steak, a magnet for men in shirts open to the navel, wearing amulets the size of hockey pucks and gold chain necklaces that run the gold scale gamut from 24K to outright fake. One guest told me that he suspected the restaurant has a secret committee for encouraging BAD TASTE.
Amulets, iced out (diamonds) & gold chains
Within an hour or so of our arrival, the place was hoppin’. But our experience was diminished by our server’s warning that we had to be out of there in two hours. I wondered, did they need the table for an 8PM reservation, or did they want to ensure we were gone before we could kill the vibe? Adding to my annoyance was the bathroom attendant. First of all, I’ve learned to pee all by myself. Second, while I’m washing my hands, I don’t need someone hanging over my back brushing dandruff off my shoulders.
But at least I wasn’t alone in my annoyance. Throngs of guests packed in the foyer were vocal in their disapproval as the hosts ignored their overdue reservations while providing immediate seating for what appeared to be the owners’ friends and assorted VIPs.
Bottom line on PAPI: It feels like a Vegas nightclub masquerading as a steakhouse that just happens to serve food. And actually, it was pretty good food. But this place doesn’t really care about being a great restaurant. It just wants to be a hot one.
Hmmmmm?
Oh, and they also serve steak... Like this
And a $95 baked potato
So let’s talk about “hot.” Have you heard of NUSR-ET, currently experiencing warp-speed, worldwide openings in places like Istanbul, New York, Dubai, and London? Joanne and I went to the Miami location on Brickell Ave.
Has opened steakhouses around the world
It’s a big space that checks all the steakhouse boxes, with premium fittings and a big polished wood and glass meat locker holding haunches of beef.
Nice cuts... But wet-aged, not dry aged
It’s outrageously expensive. I say outrageous because I suspected – and recently confirmed – that our steak was wet-aged, not dry-aged; the difference being that dry-aging is a costly process that justifies higher prices. Wet aging is a money-saving shortcut for operators.
How bout steak sushi?
If PAPI STEAK has cornered the market on gold chains, NUSR-ET has cornered the market on GOLD LEAF. How, you may ask?
Well, they offer a 50-ounce, wet-aged Tomahawk chop for $250. But hang on!! For a mere $1,000 you can have THE GOLDEN TOMAHAWK CHOP. It’s the same exact steak, except it’s clad in 18K gold leaf (which, by the way, adds NO FLAVOR and NO TEXTURE to the meat. It’s all bling.).
Or a $1000 real gold leaf covered Tomahawk
But gold leaf adds no flavor, no texture
But the real star of the show? That would be the owner, NUSRET GOKCE, a Turkish chef, food entertainer, media figure and restaurateur known by his nickname, SALT BAE (which translates to “before anyone else” or can be slang for “sweetheart” or “baby.”)
But they do have... Salut Bae in the house
Why should we care? Well, Nusret Gokce has won fame for the way he salts your steak tableside. It’s no perfunctory salt sprinkling, it’s SHOWTIME! Salt Bae, who always sports a low-cut, scoop-necked white t-shirt, gold watch and dark glasses (does he ever take them off?), arrives in tandem with your steak. He scoops up a generous portion of coarse Maldon salt and in a peculiarly sensual way salts your steak with a wrist flick of saline swagger. The salt cascades down his forearm, past three fingers and finally waterfalls onto your steaks.
Salt Bae... Sexy & sensual steak salting
That’s it.
No, really: THAT’S IT.
Would I go back? Hmmmm, maybe, if I were certain that SALT BAE was going to be in the house. But with restaurants around the world, what are the chances of that happening? And though I appreciate his mastery of kitsch and theater, the restaurant is REALLY F***ING EXPENSIVE. As Steve Cuozzo of the New York Post put it, “NUSR-ET is public rip-off #1.”
So, am I a fan of these new interpretations of classic steakhouses? Yeah, as I said. Some of them.
What about the future? Will the next steakhouse be worth the wait? Or one to avoid? Keep reading, and we’ll find out together!
Now that restaurants are actually open, I plan to resume my blog again. As you will remember, my posts aren’t reviews. My goal is simply to share discoveries with those of you who enjoy travel and dining as much as Joanne and I do. I’m no restaurant critic; I’m a restaurant STALKER.
Postings are on the way
I thought I’d take this posting to share a bit about my culinary roots as I scratch my head to see if there is any connective tissue between my childhood food memories and my food and restaurant pathology of today.
So…welcome to the inside of my brain. And please forgive the disorganization, messiness and clutter.
I grew up in the 1950s in Kewanee, Illinois, a factory town of 16,000 people in the central part of the state.
Bred/Born/Raised in Central Illinois
And only today do I realize that during that time there was almost a contempt of American food. The newspapers banished food to the women’s sections of the papers, amid articles about needlepointing and flower shows. There were no culinary magazines to be found in our house, I have no recollection of ever stumbling on any TV cooking shows.
For me, that was a good thing. With no high-brow chefs or notebook-bearing critics to inform me that we were in any way deprived, this grubby, acne-faced adolescent reveled in the food he was served.
And why shouldn’t I have warm & fuzzy feelings about our meals? After all, I lived in a house with a dirt-floor basement and three families crammed into two floors: My Swedish grandma Nana, my Aunt Rose and newly returned WWII veteran Uncle Don, and my mom and dad, June and Ollie. Every evening around 5 o’clock, we sat around the round oak table with the ball and claw feet in the kitchen table and had dinner. Only we called it supper.
M.F.K. Fischer, who wrote artful personal essays and books about food, once famously said, “Our life requires three basic needs: food, security and love.” I aced it in all three categories.
With three women sharing the cooking in our house, our meals were influenced from three different backgrounds…or should I say four, because my dad and Uncle Don were hunters and fishermen who occasionally prepared their catch for us.
As I flounder in my memory, two things strike me about the food: It was UNCOMPLICATED. And it was UNIMPROVABLE!
I don’t think that I ate in a restaurant until I was probably 8 or 9 years old, unless you count the local Dairy Queen, where on summer nights my parents and I would stop in for a 5-cent cone….” the cone with a curl on top”….on our 16-block walk to Northeast Park to watch the Philadelphia Athletics class C farm team play baseball. I clearly remember the evening when, in my mind, Dairy Queen took a giant culinary step and offered to dip my cone into a warm chocolate bath that immediately hardened into a dark shell encasing the white vanilla soft serve. That treatment cost a dime. It was maybe my first exposure to food as theater.
My first restaurant experience
"Cone with a curl on top"
If it wasn’t the first restaurant I ever visited, the MAID-RITE on 2nd Street in Kewanee was certainly one of my earliest experiences dining out. I know now that Maid-Rite started out in Iowa and later expanded on the strength of its popular “loose meat” sandwiches (something Roseanne Barr used to talk a lot about)….but the taste was great: juicy steamed ground beef topped with a dill pickle chip and a squirt of mustard on a steamy, soggy bun. Absolute heaven.
And then the Maid-Rite
Steamed "Lose Meat" with Mustard & Dill Pickle ... About 30 cents
At home, meatloaf was our version of loose meat, smothered with ketchup (wonderful, wonderful ketchup) and served at least weekly. When we were in the mood for something exotic, Mom obliged with CHINESE CHOP SUEY. It involved at least two cans of La Choy (or maybe Chun-King?) vegetables and crispy fried noodles.
A home staple ... Meatloaf topped with Heinz Ketchup
And on the exotic side ... Chinese Chop Suey
Involving canned vegetables
And crunchy noodles
My mom was consistent in her nomenclature. Chop Suey was Chinese Chop Suey, and spaghetti was ITALIAN SPAGHETTI. I loved it! Capers, anchovies, Gaeta olives from Lazio, San Marzano tomatoes…None of that ever made an appearance. My mom, however, did spike her sauce with a few drops of olive oil – carefully metered from a tiny bottle. I think, at that time, she could only buy olive oil at the Berg and Dines Drug Store on Chestnut Street. The local A&P had no audience for such exotica.
And also exotic at home, Italian Spaghetti
No capers, anchovies, gaeta olives or San Marzano tomatoes
And no parmigiano-reggiano at the A&P
On Saturday nights, all the downtown Kewanee stores remained open ‘til 9 o’clock. The farmers from Henry County brought vitality to the local economy and flooded the shopping district. Dave Benson and I followed girls in and out of the stores until they caught us.
My mom worked in a dress shop and when she closed up at 9:00, on very rare occasions we would walk a block down the street to DAVIDSON’S RESTAURANT. That’s where I met and fell in love with…CHICKEN-IN-THE-ROUGH, a half fried chicken accompanied by French fries and a drop biscuit and honey. Served without silverware, it came in a wicker basket accompanied by a small finger bowl of tepid water…which, on my first visit, I drank.
By the time I was 10 or 11 ...
Once or twice a year to Davidson's Restaurant
For "Chicken-In-The-Rough" no silverware!
Other stuff that I liked and remember: PINEAPPLE UPSIDE-DOWN CAKE, GREEN JELLO made with cream cheese, evaporated milk and walnuts. BURGERS served up on sliced WONDER BREAD (“builds strong bodies eight ways”). What I know now that I didn’t know then is that LOUIE’S LUNCH in New Haven, Connecticut – oft-lauded for having one of the BEST BURGERS IN AMERICA – also served its signature burger on sliced white bread. So there!!!
About once a month
On Sunday ... Green Jello with cream cheese and walnuts
Mom's burger came on wonder bread
Just like national burger winner
Louie's in New Haven, Connecticut
And then there were ROAST BEEF SUNDAY AFTERNOONS, when my Aunt Betty and Uncle John, along with their sons Johnny and Bob, would drive up from Peoria and we’d all manage to squeeze around the kitchen table. The beef, likely a rump roast (NEVER Prime Rib) was always roasted well, WELL done. Hmm, I wonder if that had anything to do with Nana coming from Swedish Stock. I was just wondering.
Sunday afternoon meant Rump Roast
Never served medium rare, always served well done
By the time I was a junior in high school, I was smitten by a girl named Bonnie. She, however, was not entirely smitten with me. Consequently, on date night, I would be certain to drop Bonnie off at home no later than 10:30…..because….the A&W ROOT BEER closed at 11:00. A manhole-sized DEEP-FRIED PORK TENDERLOIN SANDWICH and FROSTY MUG OF ICE-COLD ROOT BEER easily trumped my in-vain love affair.
I was smitten by Bonnie ... Bonnie however???
So, I made sure that I got her home before the A&W closed at 11pm
And topped of the night with a deep fried Pork Tenderloin Sandwich
No surprise that the A&W’s marquee offering was pork; Kewanee is the OFFICIAL HOG CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. I can still remember the balmy summer evenings when the gentle breeze was out of the west and the aroma of ammonia from hundreds of hog farms wafted over the town.
After all, Kewanee was the "Hog Capital of the World"
And a regular state fair winner
PAN-FRIED PORK CHOPS (breaded when Mom was feeling fancy) were a treat, a rather special treat.
Of course, fried pork chops
And when mom felt fancy ... she breaded them
Today I realize that the women of the house frequently found ways to stretch our dollars and still provide a satisfying meal for six. A real crowd pleaser was SAUERKRAUT AND SPARERIBS (lots of sauerkraut and potatoes, but maybe one or two spareribs at most per person).
Sauerkraut & Spare Ribs with boiled potatoes ... affordable
My Mother shopped the A&P grocery store, and she told me that on occasion the butcher would simply give her PORK LIVER, no charge. I guess they couldn’t sell it. I HATED LIVER. Mom would bread and pan-fry it with lots and lots of fried onions. My friend Dale, the son of the Baptist minister down the block, also hated liver. But his mom would spruce it up with BACON. Alas, there was no liver and bacon at 205 East Central Blvd.
At the local A&P
Unfortunately
The butcher would often just give my mom pork liver ... No charge
And dinner would be liver & onions ... Yuk!!!
My friend Dale, would get bacon with his liver ... Unaffordable at our house
Still, even with bacon ... double yuk!!!
It was only after we moved to Minnesota that I discovered that liver could a delicacy. Think FOIE GRAS. I also remember long-gone HARRY’S CAFÉ in downtown Minneapolis, where the signature dish was LIVER STEAK (the size of a MANNY’S New York Strip) smothered with fried onions and bacon.
Only after moving to Minnesota ...
Harry's signature dish? Liver Steak
Other economies at our house? CHICKEN POT PIE. Fried Chicken was only for rare occasions, but with the added bulk of potatoes, carrots, Bisquick drop biscuits and chopped celery, this dish provided an affordable alternative. Moreover, my mom’s version was DELICIOUS and there was always PLENTY OF IT.
We occasionally had fried chicken on Sunday
But more often, we stretched that into chicken pot pie
As I said, my Dad and Uncle Don fished and killed game for food.
Come with me to the banks of the Hennepin Canal that ran from Chicago to Rock Island, and passed 10 miles north of Kewanee. My Dad would take me there in the evening and throw a “TROT-LINE” across the waterway. Fixed up with appendages including a dozen or so TREBLE FISH HOOKS that would rest on the bottom, it reliably lured catfish.
My dad fished for food ... Not for sport
Across the canal
I have two vivid memories of CATFISH.
My first recollection involves an obligatory stop at the Sears & Roebuck to pick up the cheesy catfish bait which we rolled by hand into golf ball-size portions and squished onto the treble hooks. It was the STINKIEST, FOULEST, MOST PUTRID, NOSTRIL-PENETRATING CRAP that existed on the planet – vomit married with cat feces.
But, OH MY…the next morning…Did we catch fish? YOU BET WE DID!!!!
My SECOND MEMORY? My Mom’s DEEP-FRIED CATFISH DINNERS ….always with KRAFT MACARONI & CHEESE (VELVEETA, as I remember.)
And the next day ... All 6 of us would sit down to fried catfish dinner ... Affordable
CRAPPIES and BLUEGILLS…pan-fried, not deep fried. Watch out for bones.
My dad and I caught Crappies as well
Always pan fried (Watch out for bones)
Here’s where things get interesting…and illegal as well.
In the winter, my Uncle Don had a car. He and my dad would take me along as they very slowly prowled the back country roads along the hedges looking for wild rabbits….which were plentiful. Dad and Don would shoot them from the car (that’s the unlawful part). My Mom would bread and pan-fry the rabbit, add a can or two of CAMPBELL’S CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP and a bake it in the oven.
Mom would fry em up and add a can or two of cream of mushroom soup
Thumper was served once a week in the fall
The unpleasant sidebar is this……
THE SKINNING and CLEANING of the RABBITS.
Returning from the hunt, Dad and Don would head for the basement (the basement with the dirt floor), where they’d nail their prey to the rafters, then slit, skin and gut them. Next to the cleaning zone was the big and roaring coal burning furnace. Too convenient to ignore, its blazing fire offered easy disposal of the skin, fur and guts.
In the fall, my dad and uncle Don hunted wild rabbits
And therein lay the problem. The antiquated coal-burning furnace in the 100-year-old house was a forced-air system and thus the stench of burning fur, skin and rabbit guts spewed up and through the floor registers throughout the house and hung around for hours.
But now for the GOURMET part. I had no idea at the time but, in early April and the month of May, on Saturday mornings my dad, uncle and I would drive about 15 miles southwest of Kewanee to forage on a farmer friend’s property that had a few hundred acres of woods.
Forage for what? MOREL MUSHROOMS!!!
This wasn’t a Martha Stewart-type forage with a wicker basket on your arm, a Pendleton flannel shirt on your back and a Kooringal Bora-Bora straw hat on your head. No, this foraging team wore jeans, boots and wool baseball caps with flaps to cover your ears on frosty mornings. And we toted GUNNY SACKS, which, by the way, we frequently filled to the brim.
I didn't realize it at the time ... But we were on the cusp of gourmet dining
Because we foraged for Morels
And brought them home in gunny sacks
Around noon we’d arrive back home. My mother had already filled the sink with cold water and a cup or two of salt in order to soak the morels and drive the bugs out.
After she thoroughly dried the mushrooms, the cast iron Lodge 12-inch skillet hit the stove along with a one-pound block of high-fat local farmer’s butter. When the foaming stopped, in went the flour dusted morel mushrooms, which were greeted with hefty shakes of salt and McCormick’s ground pepper. No wooden pepper mills in our house.
At last we’d all sit down at the table…a heaping bowl of buttery, salty hot morels in the center with a big spoon sticking out, as we plopped the heart-paddle little buggers of the delightful fungus on our plates. My dad and Don had a beer. I had a bottle of Royal Crown Cola. LIFE WAS GOOD.
Where mom would fry em up in a pound or two of butter
I really hesitate to say, at this time, that any of this stuff played a vital part in shaping my passion for food and restaurants. But then as now, food for me has ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT PLEASURE…whether in Kewanee, Illinois or Paris, France.
The hunting was especially good in the fall. My step-grandpa had a farm near Sheffield and on the property was a walnut tree grove of about an acre. Squirrels galore. SQUIRRELS LOVE WALNUTS.
Squirrels couldn't escape my dad and uncle Don
They would hunt them down in the local walnut grove
And yes, we ate squirrel. We ate it often. Same cooking drill as the wild rabbit – pan-fried and then baked with Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup. Did it taste like chicken? YEAH, maybe a little bit.
Mom would fry em
And add Campbell's soup & bake
I think the last time that I ate squirrel was in the late ‘50s when I came home from college for a weekend. My uncle Ben, part of our extended family, was living with us at the time.
I recall that it was the Sunday afternoon family dinner, just before I was to head back to Champaign, that we sat around the dinner table and Ben said, “PLEASE PASS THE CAT.”
I last ate squirrel when my uncle Ben, at the Sunday table, said ... "Please pass the cat."
The late restaurant critic for the London Guardian, A.A. Gill, wrote, “None of us know how many dinners we have left. To look back and realize that you’d wasted any of them on egg white omelets, green salads without dressing, or broccoli would be too distressing.”
Or to paraphrase Oscar Wilde: “Too many of us know the calories of everything and the taste of nothing.”
That’s why I will always cherish my list of restaurants that we have lost over the past year due to COVID (and, in some cases, civil unrest).
While very good, these restaurants were not the sort that dominate the Michelin Guide (which, by the way, has now resumed operation after a year-long hiatus). Michelin favors the kinds of places where dishes are pelted with white truffles and the prices make your wallet squeal like a pig. No, I’m talking about restaurants without a whiff of arrogance; places where Joanne and I have been treated well despite my wearing jeans. Some of these restaurants served marvelously nuanced food and drink, while others assaulted your tastebuds with weapons-grade fat and flavor. All had wine lists that didn’t make me feel inadequate.
Joanne and I were never regulars at the following restaurants, but we dined at them often enough over the years to appreciate their greatness and develop a real affection for them.
And now they’re gone. And gone forever.
So here goes…
NEW YORK
21 CLUB. On West 52nd Street. It had been around for over 90 years and was a Manhattan social and cultural haunt for the likes of FDR, George H.W. Bush, Richard Nixon, Liz Taylor, Sophia Loren, and other celebs too numerous to count. The prices were comically expensive, and the only dish I ever, ever ordered was the 21 Burger (which, the last time I ate there, years ago, cost – you guessed it – 21 BUCKS.
"21" Club on W. 52nd St.
90 Years
The "21" Burger... $21 Bucks
AUGUSTINE. This French restaurant in the financial district was founded by restaurant genius Keith McNally in the fall of 2016. The New York Times critic Pete Wells said McNally “nailed it” in recreating “vintage Paris.” It was just two years ago that Joanne and I, along with Parasole colleagues, enjoyed a festive and wonderful evening here. Upon closing, McNally spoke as a true restaurateur and said, “Hope to see you all at my other restaurants: Pastis, Balthazar, Minetta Tavern…or debtor’s prison.”
Augustine... New York Financial District
Restaurant Genius... Keith McNally
The Parasole gang at Augustine... NYC
Duck a L'orange at Augustine
DEL POSTO. An ambitious Italian restaurant in Chelsea, this New York Times 4-star destination opened in 2016. Despite the antics of Mario Batali and the toxic workplace conditions, it was COVID that did ‘em in last March.
Dead and gone in Chelsea
Big, beautiful and good!
Closed for good in March
THE MERMAID INN. A tiny storefront in the East Village, the Mermaid Inn had a “crab shacky” character that charmed diners for 17 years. The lobster rolls were epic, the oysters pristine and the crab cakes superb. And everything could be had at ultra-reasonable prices. But great food, ambiance and value couldn’t save it from the pandemic.
The Mermaid Inn... East Village
Pristine... But gone forever
Fried Clam Burger
Crispy Fish Tacos
Lobster Roll, Clam Chowder and Fish Taco
CHICAGO
BLACKBIRD. One of Chicago’s most acclaimed restaurants, this Michelin-starred West Loop institution closed after 22 years. I have fond memories of the Gascony inspired Duck Confit.
Chicago... Blackbird
Michelin Starred... 22 Years
Potato Basket Vol au Vent
No more Mushroom Fettuccini
Or Duck Confit
THE ORIGINAL MORTON’S STEAKHOUSE. Located in a basement at State & Rush since 1978, this place set the tone for luxe steakhouse dining across America. Joanne and I ate there dozens of times (Joanne got the Filet; I went straight for the man-hole sized Porterhouse. So sad!
The original Morton's Steakhouse
Gone!
Chicago's best Porterhouse
3 FORKS STEAKHOUSE. This Dallas-based steak powerhouse near Millennium Park. Even they couldn’t survive the dining restrictions that came along with COVID.
3 Forks closed in Chicago
Done, done, done
LAWRY’S PRIME RIB. Now here’s an oldie. This “busload-friendly” touristy beefhouse thrived for half a century on Ontario Street. I’ll miss the kitschy sterling silver trolley and the theater of master carvers serving up endless slices of Prime Rib tableside. It shuttered its doors on New Year’s Eve, 2020. COVID and civil unrest did them in.
And after half a century... Lawry's closed
I will miss the table-side trolley
And the slabs of Prime Rib
MINNEAPOLIS
FUJI-YA. I loved this place, first in its location on the river, and then in Lyn-Lake. I think it was the first Japanese restaurant in town. More recently it provided Joanne and me the opportunity to expose our grandkids to sushi and vegetable tempura. Alas, Fuji-ya succumbed to COVID and the riots after 60 years in business. What a shame.
This one was heartbreaking in Minneapolis
Breakthrough Marketing
No more Vegetable Tempura
GRAND CAFÉ. This was as close to Paris as you could get in Minneapolis. Parisian elegance, wit and whimsy abounded here. Home of a fantastic brunch, it served a spectacular crab meat omelet made with “eggy” Jipori eggs (the best), as well as cacio e pepe dumplings topped, of course, with Jipori egg.
Parisian elegance in Minneapolis
Classy... But closed
Cacio e Pepe Dumplings
For brunch... Crab Meat Omelette no more
THE BACHELOR FARMER, BURCH, OCTO FISH BAR, and BELLECOUR will also be missed.
LONDON
THE LEDBURY. This Notting Hill restaurant by chef Brett Graham wowed diners and critics alike since 2005. WRONG simply didn’t happen here. Michelin gave it two stars; I’d have given it three. Riding back to our hotel in a classic black London cab, I’d swoon over my just-completed meals. It was a must stop on Parasole dining trips.
Across the pond... London
17 years in Notting Hill
A regular stop for Parasole colleagues
We'll miss the talented Brett Graham
And his "Ant's on a Log" with Truffle Toast
Lobster with Shiitake Mushrooms
No more Assiette of Rabbit
TRAMSHED. Mark Hix’s tribute to beef and bird was a show-stopper – partially because of the food, also because of the art, including a Damien Hirst cow and chicken embalmed in a huge formaldehyde tank mounted on a giant plinth dead center in the cavernous dining room. It was a not-so-subtle signal that you could eat anything here as long as it was steak or chicken (with its little feet reaching for the sky). Yeah, I know, it’s a little creepy, but the chicken was really good. And you could lick your fingers to boot.
And in Shoredich... Tramshed
The Parasole gang at Tramshed
The embalmed cow & chicken
Your choice was... Steak
Or... Chicken
PARIS
Now Paris is a little difficult for me to figure out. Many of my favorite restaurant websites are vague in informing diners that they are CLOSED or TEMPORARILY CLOSED. Only a few say PERMANENTLY CLOSED. And unfortunately, BOUQUINISTES falls in the latter group. Located along the Seine across from the book sellers (hence its name), this restaurant was owned by super chef Guy Savoy, but it was a bistro, not a temple of gastronomy. Joanne discovered table #6, giving her a picture-postcard view of Notre Dame (Me? My back faced NOTRE DAME). The Parasole gang dined there on two occasions. The favorite of the group was always the SEA BREAM.
And in Paris... Bouquinistes is closed forever
A Bistro... By Guy Savoy
Joanne like table #6
With the view of Notre Dame
Sea Bream... Best ever... Gone!
The Parasole squad loved it
So, what does it all mean?
Well, I for one will genuinely miss the opportunity to return to these spots. Will I survive? Sure.
But maybe it’s a little like PRINCE. Yeah, we’ll still have music. We just won’t have PRINCE.
And other new and compelling restaurants will spring up. I promise you, they will !! Because imagine if restaurants didn’t exist. There would be nothing for that SPECIAL MOMENT. You’d be denied that little TWO-HOUR VACATION from the quotidian, that brief time WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD. And most of all, you might miss the simple JOY OF JUST BEING ALIVE!
I suppose that the fond memories of permanently shuttered restaurants will gradually fade from our consciousness. But if you can manage, I ask you as I paraphrase the words and wisdom of Dr. Seuss: “DON’T CRY BECAUSE THEY ARE OVER. SMILE BECAUSE THEY HAPPENED.”
Jay Rayner, restaurant
critic for the London Observer, said…..”People adore bad reviews.
Nobody would be interested in reading the good ones. Bad experiences are simply
funnier.”
Brendan Behan, the Irish poet and playwright, once said, “Critics are like eunuchs in a harem. They know how it’s done. They’ve seen it done. But they’re just unable to do it themselves.”
Brendan Behan, Irish Poet & Playwright
"Critics are like Eunich's". They know how it's done!
"They've seen it done. But they're unable to do it themselves."
By and large, that’s probably true. My guess is that Ben Brantley, the New York Times’ talented and feared Broadway theater critic, has probably never written a successful play. And his colleague, art critic Roberta Smith, has most likely never had a showing at a significant gallery. Likewise, the pop music critic for the Times may never have learned to play a Fender Stratocaster guitar (and certainly can’t play like Jimi Hendrix).
Ben Brantley ... Feared Theater Critic
But has he ever written a play?
Or NYT Art Critic ... Roberta Smith
Has she ever had a showing of her own?
Or Jon Pareles ... Pop Music Critic
Can he play a Fender Stratocaster?
For the past several years, I have thoroughly enjoyed following important restaurant critics here in the United States as well as a select group of reviewers from across the pond.
Ahh ... The dreaded Restaurant Critic
I find that the American reviewers are uniformly excellent and entertaining writers no doubt providing valuable information to millions of their readers as they make their dining out choices. (If it weren’t for Grand Forks Herald columnist Marilyn Hagerty, for example, how many people would have never experienced the pleasures of Olive Garden? Okay, maybe that’s not the best example.)
One of my favorite
writers is Pete Wells of the New York Times, who wrote, after a fairly
recent visit to the legendary PETER LUGER STEAKHOUSE in Brooklyn, “After I
paid, there is the unshakable sense that I’ve been scammed.”
Pete Wells of the N.Y. Times
Said of Peter Luger Steakhouse ...
"I have the unshakable sense that I've been scammed"
Wells also opined on TV rock star Guy Fieri’s multi-million dollar restaurant in New York: “Somewhere within the yawning, three-level interior of GUY’S AMERICAN KITCHEN, there is a refrigerated tunnel that servers have to pass through to make sure that the French fries, already limp and oil-sogged, are also served cold.”
Pete Wells on Guy's American Kitchen ...
Back to the Olive Garden: The late Jonathan Gold of the Los Angeles Times (perhaps reviewing it as a joke) dubbed the chain’s famous breadsticks, “doughy things slicked with grease and oil.”
Jonathan Gold ... L.A. Times
With American critics, this is about as critical as it gets. Their reviews tend to be accurate, informative, amusing, and occasionally a little harsh. But, if it’s true, all is fair.
On the other hand…
BRITISH FOOD CRITICS
are SNARKIER, BOLDER, WITTIER, FUNNIER and MORE BARE-KNUCKLED.
Brits ... Snarkier, bolder, wittier, funnier & more bare-knuckled
To wit, the late (and great) A.A. GILL of the London Times:
Like the late (and great) A.A. Gill of The London Times
“It tasted like PRESSED LIPOSUCTION.” (This was in reference to the paté at the famous Parisian bistro, L’Ami Louis, that American tourists love)
“The rest of the meal [at a Jean-Georges Vongerichten restaurant) was one bland, watery compost that could BARELY INCITE FLATULENCE.”
More from his review of L’Ami Louis:
On the beloved L'Ami Louis in Paris
Foie Gras: “…intimidatingly gross flabs of chilled paté, with a slight coating of PUSTULAR YELLOW FAT.”
The Foie Gras ... "Tasted like pressed liposuction".
The dining room: “The cramped tables are set with labially pink cloths, which give it a COLON-LIKE FEEL and the awkward sense that YOU might be the SUPPOSITORY.”
"Cramped tables ... colon-like & you might be the suppository".
Servers: “Surly waiters in a DUNG-BROWN dining room”
In sum: “It is, all things considered, entre nous, THE WORST RESTAURANT in the WORLD.”
From Gill’s other reviews:
“They tied vegetables up with string and then sprayed them with
raspberry vinegar like TOM CATS on the PULL”.
"Veggies tied up with string"
and sprayed tableside
Like Tom-Cats on the pull!!
“THE soup was as cold as a PROCTOLOGIST’S FINGER.” (from a review of a London restaurant called Bouillabaisse)
"Bouillabaisse as cold as a proctologist's finger"
”It’s laughably overpriced, but doesn’t take credit cards. But all that is just by the by compared with its unique horror. To get in, you have to be kissed by a woman called Mara, who must surely have been around to do tongues with Garibaldi.” (from a review of the London restaurant, San Lorenzo)
To get in, you need to kiss the Italian woman at the door
“Somehow the heat had welded them together into a gray, suppurating renal brick. It could be the result of an accident involving rat babies in a nuclear reactor. They don’t taste as nice as they sound.” (referring to the broiled kidneys at, you guessed it, L’Ami Louis”
The Dish ... "A result of an accident involving nuclear reaction ...
And rat babies" A.A. Gill
“How clever are shrimp-and-foie gras dumplings with grapefruit dipping sauce? What if we called them fishy liver-filled condoms. They were properly vile, with a savor that lingered like a lovelorn drunk and tasted as if your mouth had been used as the swab bin in an animal hospital.” (from his review of Jean-Georges’ 66 restaurant in New York).
& Tasted as if your mouth had been used as a swab bin in an animal hospital".
“The bean soup arrived cold around a mash of something that might have been peas, but also might have been ear wax.”
Soup ... "A mash that might have been peas ...
But also might have been ear wax".
Now, my current favorite London food critic, JAY RAYNER:
My fave ... Jay Rayner ... The London Observer
“Brits understand the simple joy of comparing a rude waiter to an UNLUBRICATED COLONOSCOPY.”
"Comparing a rude waiter
to an unlubricated colonoscopy"
“The steak slips down like something that has SPENT IT’S LIFE CHAINED TO A RADIATOR IN THE BASEMENT.” (When Smith & Wollensky opened in London)
The Steak ... "Like something that has spent its life ...
chained to a radiator in the basement".
“My dish of blood-rare pigeon might fly again if GIVEN A FEW VOLTS.”
"Blood-rare pigeon might fly again ...
if given a few volts".
“My advice? Don’t go. Keep not going. Keep not going a lot.” (From his review of Novikov, the wildly popular spot in Mayfair, London)
"Don't go. Keep not going. Keep not going a lot".
And last but not least, from his review of the crazy, goofy, nuts, wildly expensive Paris restaurant, Le Cinq, in the Four Seasons Hotel: “The dining room was decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and F**K You.”
Pretentious Le Cinq ... "The dining room was decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit & F**k you!"
Well, there you have it: CRITICAL REVIEWS PRIOR TO COVID-19!
The pandemic really changed everything. In March of 2020, the jubilant restaurant scene came to a screeching halt. THE JOY WAS GONE.
And then ...
The industry worldwide was on its knees. COVID-19 was not just a blip; it’s a once-in-our-lifetime event (one can only hope).
Restaurants were on their knees
Stoves were off. Chairs were set on tables upside down. Staff was furloughed.
How do restaurant critics cover this massive blow to the entire global restaurant industry? Will they?… should they?… be…cheerleaders?… Or, shifting to a newsier mode, should they just report the facts?
Critics sheathed their knives
You may have noticed how Pete Wells of the New York Times responded to the crisis. He stopped rating restaurants with stars, presumably to go easy on them. But he also wrote, “Our primary job is to serve our readers, not the restaurants. Being a cheerleader does not serve my readers.”
On the other hand, in
New Orleans, Brett Anderson pivoted from criticism to straight reportage. Why?
“If I started pontificating whether the panéed rabbit was up to snuff, I would
have been missing the bigger story….which was about recovery.”
"It wasn't about a dish being off ... it was about recovery".
Laura Reilly, who writes for the Washington Post, says, “I simply put reporting before criticism. How useful is it to talk about some restaurant’s garnish being off when you’re standing in three feet of water?”
And finally, Jay
Rayner sums up the posture of most of the critics that I followed during the
pandemic: “I prefer to accent the positive. That doesn’t mean giving good
reviews to bad places. It just means that if I can’t be generally
positive, I won’t review and I’ll just move on.”
To illustrate the tone
of criticism during the past year, it was not brutal at all. It was more along
the lines of….
“The venison was so undercooked, you could practically hear it
snort.” (perhaps that’s a little harsh)
"Venison so undercooked, you could hear it snort".
Or…“Authentic is not the same as good. Ever tried chicken feet? Jellified cartilage.”
"Authentic is not the same as good".
And then this: “If I see someone eating chicken wings with a knife and fork, I know that we can never be friends.”
"If I see someone eating chicken wings with a knife & fork, I know that we can never be friends".
William Sitwell of the London Telegraph, wrote, “Don’t expect this kindness to last forever. You can rest assured that the sharp pen of the critic will return when the good times return.”
That’s how British
food critic Jay Rayner of the Guardian referred to the restaurant
business as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic of last year….that’s going to be
hanging around at least through the first half of this year.
Yikes ... 2020
Well put, Jay Rayner.
But I hope that I’m
not being pollyannish when I say, “There are green-shoots appearing out
there.” The greenest is, of course, the COVID-19 vaccine (if we can ever
get our act together on distribution and jab one hell of a lot more folks).
Finally
As our industry slowly
rises from the ashes, there are some new protocols in place that will most
likely be with us for a long time, if not forever. Among them: Sanitize,
sanitize, sanitize…masks…touchless transactions…curbside pickup and
delivery…social distancing…and food safety.
A new way of living
Touchless Menus
Curbside ... Here to stay
Regarding eating
habits and trends, what do we see as we look back on 2020?
Well, for one, eating
at home may become the restaurant industry’s biggest competition. And quick
service and fast casual restaurant concepts enjoyed surprising success.
FRIED CHICKEN SANDWICHES at the likes of Mc DONALD’S, SHAKE SHACK and CHICK-FIL-A rose over 300% over 2019. And while the worst fried chicken sandwich that I ever ate was wonderful, my favorite last year was the crunchy NASHVILLE HOT CHICKEN SANDWICH, loaded up with paprika, cayenne pepper and crunchy dill pickles.
2020 ... 300% increase in chicken sandwiches
AVOCADO TOAST exploded
with a vengeance, with iterations involving smoked salmon, goat cheese and both
scrambled and poached eggs.
Avocado Toast was everywhere last year
BURITTOS, mainly from
CHIPOTLE, surged…primarily from take-out.
Burittos surged
And PLANT BASED
BURGERS detonated across the country. I personally saw that happen close
to home, where – when they were open – SALUT and GOOD EARTH set records with
IMPOSSIBLE BURGER sales.
Salut & Good Earth set records with Impossible Burgers
LIQUOR STORE sales
erupted as people made stock-up trips and drank more at home…maybe a lot more.
Folks drank more at home
And we all felt the
run for groceries as most all of us (including me) raided supermarket shelves
for provisions when they were available (Does that make me a bad person?)
And stockpiled groceries
Here’s something
else……
HOME COOKING
revived. But with the economic stress present in all too many households,
it’s been reported that when we’re feeling down, we seek out high-calorie
COMFORT FOODS – dishes that speak not just to appetite but to memory
The new restaurant competitor
In my growing-up years,
everything was home cooked…MEATLOAF…CHICKEN POT PIE…PB and J…PUMPKIN PIE and
POTATO CHIPS with a dip of dry Lipton onion soup mixed with sour cream.
Home cookin comfort food at home
Nostalgia ruled ... Chicken Pie
P.B. & J. ... with red wine
A sedentary life involving Doritos
It's 2020 and I deserve this ... Homemade
Even restaurants saw
an uptick in nostalgic comfort foods:
ROASTED CHICKEN and FRIES…DAUBE
(French beef stew)…CURRIES…SIMPLE SPAGHETTI
Restaurants responded to nostalgia
Simple, well done & familiar
Curries became a step-up
What's more comforting than this?
& MEATBALLS.
You have to wonder,
what does it all mean for future dining trends?
Predicting is a
dubious exercise. 2021 is hard for me to read. But here are some
thoughts………
There seems to be several separate viewpoints – all to some degree, in conflict with one another. Try to weave these observations together and make some sense of it all.
1. HOME COOKING WILL REMAIN POPULAR……break out that BREAD MACHINE.
Break out that bread machine
2. SIMPLER, SOUL SEARCHING and COMFORTING, COZY RESTAURANT OFFERINGS……(can NUTRISYSTEM and Marie Osmond be far behind ?).
Oops!!! Watch out for comfort food
3. After months of a sedentary lifestyle, will people yearn for HEALTHIER, MORE NUTRITIOUS CHOICES ON MENUS.
On the other hand ...
Some folks ate healthier
Nuts & Berries at Good Earth
4. Although not as prevalent, escape will be a theme…… FANCY, PAMPERED, EXPENSIVE, INDULGENT and EXCLUSIVE………HMMMMM ???
5. Will the merging of science and food – i.e. MICRO-GASTRONOMY restaurants – survive? Already several MICHELIN-STARRED spots around the planet have flipped the switch from $300 tasting menus to HOMESTYLE FOOD and BURGERS.
Will molecular gastronomy survive?
Gosh ... I hope so
6. And what about TWEEZER FOOD and MANICURED COOKING? I just don’t know. I’m pulling for them.
What about manicured dishes & tweezer food?
7. I also do not believe that 2021 will be a year of FRIVOLOUS FOOD. PINEAPPLE PIZZA will not replace a PERFECTLY STRAIGHT FORWARD, CRISPY CHARRED, THIN-CRUSTED MARGHERITA PIZZA. Nor will BIZAARE and SILLY GARNISHED BURGERS edge out the JUCY LUCY’S of the WORLD.
In 2021 ... Delicious, safe and simple
Forget about pineapple pizza
Basic burgers will lead
Jucy Lucy's will beat out bizarre burgers
One thing that I do
know is WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO AT PARASOLE…….
And that is this…….
Years ago, on a
SWELTERING HOT, 95 degree summer day, I pulled up in back of a Chinese
restaurant here in Minneapolis and observed a cook cleaning shrimp on the white-hot
hood of his car……NOT GOOD. NOT SAFE. NOT GONNA FLY.
On a blistering 102 degree summer day ...
I came upon a guy cleaning shrimp ...
Behind a restaurant ... On the hood of a car
NO, people are going
to want to FEEL SECURE in restaurants that they KNOW and TRUST IN THEIR SAFE
FOOD HANDLING.
NO, people are going
to just want to gather and socialize with dear friends and family while FEELING
SAFE. YES, FEELING VERY SAFE.
NO, I think there will
be AN APPRECIATION OF THINGS DONE WELL…REALLY WELL….. just like I will cherish
the comfort and simplicity of a YUMMY MELTY GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH and a perfect
bowl of STEAMING TOMATO SOUP.
Don't you sometimes want just a perfectly prepared ...
Melty grilled cheese & steam tomato soup?
Familiar and just plain wonderful
NO, as our restaurants
emerge, not a word on our menus will surprise you. We’ll do our level best
to ensure that each of our restaurants will be A PLACE WHERE WRONG DOESN’T
HAPPEN…..PLACES WITH LESS SILLY CHAT….”Is the Milady still working on her
salmon?”
NO, our joints will be
a place to WOLF-DOWN BOTTLES OF CABERNET, WITH FRIENDS, as if there’s no school
tomorrow.
NO, when we dine out,
we want it to be MEMORABLE. Imagine the joy of the LUXURIOUS SIMPLICITY
of a MANNY’S DRY-AGED, THICK, TWO-FISTED DEEPLY-CHARRED PORTERHOUSE STEAK, seared
at 1800 degrees, blistering hot and just off the grill along with a FLINTSTONE-SIZED
PLATTER of CRISPY BUTTER-FRIED HASH BROWNS .
And in 2021 you just need a two-fisted Manny's steak
And a platter of crispy butter fried hash browns
And once you take a
bite, then you will know that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AGAIN, AFTER
ALL.
And everything will be ok again ... after all
And you will also
LEARN WHY MANNY’S STEAKS MAKE EVEN BUTCHERS HORNY.
Anyone remember the movie, BACK TO THE FUTURE? This summer, someone created a parody in which Doc Brown says: “Marty, whatever you do, do not go to 2020!”
Back to the Future! "Marty, whatever you do, don't ever to go 2020!"
Well, the year isn’t over yet, and everything seems to have gotten worse. We’re dead on, balls-in-the-center of the worst pandemic in memory.
We all know the dire situation…a quarter-million deaths, depression, suicides, divorce, unemployment, businesses in the tank, nest eggs gone…and the list goes on and on.
The restaurant industry has been dealt a body blow (after body blow) and is one of the poster children of the pandemic disaster.
And yet, here we are: still open for business, still putting out awesome dishes, making life a little better for our guests, so thankful we have jobs. We’re social distancing, filtering the air, insanely sanitizing every surface over and over and over again. We’re faiythfully wearing uncomfortable face masks for hours and hours (please say a prayer for our cooks in our kitchens, some of them standing over a torrid scorching deep fryer for hours, all the while wearing a face mask).
So what have we learned these past several months? And what does the dining future look like?
We know that some pandemic trends are going to remain, even after a vaccine is available. Frequent hand washing and sanitizing are here to stay. So too is less touching in restaurants, with QR codes for menus instead of paper. Touchless payment devices will reign.
On every table
No need to touch a menu
Or to touch a guest check
I expect that business travel will take a few years to return to some sort of normal. Restaurants will not rely as much on international travelers or domestic business travel and will move to attract more locals. Hotel occupancy will continue to suffer greatly. And urban centers and office buildings will be dramatically less populated as thousands of employees have become comfortable, productive and accustomed to working from home.
Travel will take years to return to normal
With a few clicks, meal delivery and curbside pickup will be a part of most every cosumer’s tool-box. Affordable comforting food will grow in popularity. Meal kits, while popular, will never be as good as a great restaurant.
Delivery will be part of restaurants tool kit
Delivering prepared meals
Curbside pickup will be permanent
Meal kits will be popular
Comforting food will re-emerge
Outdoor seating will be much more prevalent and more creative than ever.
Outdoor seating will explode
And I’m wondering if a new hybrid of restaurants will emerge, one based on a fast casual model that’s more interesting and sophisticated where you order up at the counter but with a significant bar and really good food. I’m thinking of CENTRO in the North Loop.
A hybrid of fact casual...
With really good food...
And a bar is a new way of thinking
So what steps are the fine dining and rock-star restaurants doing to cope with shutdowns and severe COVID-19 restrictions including 50% less seating capacity and curtailed hours of operation?
Well, just as Louis Vuitton is not morphing into The Gap, and the Four Seasons hotels are not becoming Holiday Inn Expresses, important restaurants are retaining their DNA and special allure while at the same time finding creative solutions that are less expensive and have big-time appetite appeal to a broader audience that they all desperately need right now.
Louis Vuitton will not become...
The Gap
World renowned ALINEA In Chicago, whose theatrical tasting menu was $365 and reservations were next to impossible to snag, has tabled their molecular-gastronomy offerings (the merging of science and ingredients, with a heavy dose of liquid nitrogen) and is now offering a comforting SHORT RIB WELLINGTON with mashed potatoes for $34.95 for curb-side pickup.
COVID has caused Fine Dining
And Molecular Gastronomy...
At Alined in Chicago... $365/person
To morph into Short Rib Wellington for pickup... $34.95
NOMA, in Copenhagen, known for its spectacularly imaginative (and stunningly priced) fourteen-course dining experience, and who for four consecutive years was named the “Best Restaurant in the World, has completely flipped the switch and become a burger joint. It must be one hell of a burger.
Nomo... 4 years in a row named best restaurant in the world
Has succumbed to COVID
And has become a pickup burger joint
Michelin starred CANLIS in Seattle, now closed for indoor dining, has created a drive-thru on the premises. The morning queue starts at 7AM with a drive-thru menu of bagels of every stripe. Later in the day the switch to burgers – $14.95 with fries. I’ve read that they serve over a thousand burgers a day. A good reputation sure helps.
Even Michelin starred Canlis in Seatle
Has had to abandon "manicured dishes" and
Set up and all day drive through
Serving drive up bagels in the morning
And burgers the rest of the day
MANNY’S STEAKHOUSE, is boxing up combinations of its proprietary dry-aged steaks just in time for Christmas. Purchase Manny’s Steaks Here.
Manny's Steakhouse in Minneapolis
Is shipping their propriety steaks over the continent through Goldbelly.com
Restaurants need to focus on INNOVATION – because if we lose innovation we’ll no longer have any advantage over at-home eating. Such is the case with Gavin Schmidt at THE MORRIS in San Francisco, also Michelin starred, who was in the habit of serving fried chicken as an employee meal. Now, every Thursday, he’s showcasing “Fried Chicken & Champagne” as a feel-good and comforting solution to these wretched times. They sell out every week.
Michelin starred Morris in San Francisco
Known for their sophisticated dishes...
Is featuring fried chicken $ Champagne... Curbside
Even DANIEL BOULUD in New York, whose strict dress code mirrors his elegant menu offerings, has relaxed his exacting male attire requirements. Jackets and ties are no longer required, just “smart casual.”
Even Daniel in NYC
With it's tweezer plating & strict dress code
Has given in to "smart casual"
So now…my opinion:
My view is that fine/fancy dining will diminish – not go away, but most likely recede in the public’s consciousness. Some customers are still going to want that pampered, special experience. But now is not the time to be cooking for egos or the press.
Fine/Fancy dining will diminish... But survive
Fine/Fancy was often joyless
THE MICHELIN GUIDE has made the world insane. Chefs aren’t cooking for customers; they’re cooking for a TIRE COMPANY.
Chef's will return to cooking for customers... and not a tire company
In an era of half-full dining rooms, have three-star restaurants gone the way of two-martini lunches and two-pack-a-day smoking habits?
Does anyone these days want to put up with a French waiter who is not there to please you, but for you not to disappoint him?
Will you tolerate waiters who insist that you not disappoint them?
And are you going to feel comfortable being scrutinized by a well-intentioned lurking staff in a joyless hushed dining room? And ladies, if you are not decked out in a Hermes scarf or red-soled Christian Louboutin stilettos and spritzed with Jo Malone, just how are you going to feel?
Fine/Fancy dinging used to involve Hermes scarfs
And Channel & Christian Louboutins
As well as a healthy sprits of Jo Malone
How about wine lists that sport an entry-level price of a hundred bucks and you cannot even pronounce the maker?
Sporting imposing wine lists that start at $100/bottle
I don’t know about you, but I’m a little tired of the awkward ceremony of hovering chefs at my table explaining their culinary philosophy.
Are you weary of the chef at your table reciting his culinary philosophy?
It’s my belief that folks don’t dine out at MANNY’S just because they are hungry.
Or... after COVID... are you ready for a good time?
No, they go to MANNY’S because they just want to get out of the house, have an amazing steak, be entertained, be around people they like, feel the buzz of conversation and laughter, without a care in the world and just have a damn good time. At MANNY’S you are not ordering a DRY AGED NEW YORK STRIP to stave off rickets.
And the AWESOME Manny's girls?
Because nobody ever went to Manny's to stave off Rickets!